“She sniffs out secrets like a truffle pig”

TV Show: Orange Is The New Black
Episode Title: Tattoo You
Original Air Date: June 9, 2017
Episode Number: 5×12

Episode Description

Boo dabbles in blackmail, Nicky promises to help Lorna, Doggett makes a discovery, and Piper comes to a realization about Alex.

My Review

Oh man, these inmates are in for a world of pain in the next episode after everything that happened in this episode. But before talking about that, let’s talk about that Alex/Piper scene. I’m not a big Vauseman shipper and don’t really mind them and I find them cute on occasion, but that proposal got me all teary-eyed which surprised me. I thought Piper’s speech was really moving and for her to come to the realization that she wants to spend her life with Alex at this time was such a Piper thing to do. Of course she would realize this at the height of the riot. Being in love and almost dying really does make people do crazy things (not that this is crazy). Sometimes it takes a life or death situation to make one realize what’s missing in their life or to have them make that decision they have tried to avoid making.

I just want to write down this part of Piper’s speech because it was a great pre-proposal speech: “You have taught me that love hurts. You’ve taught me that life…it hurts. And I want to be there for you. I want us to be there for each other so that maybe it hurts a little less.”

I loved Piper’s conversation with her mother and her mother’s story about how she fell in love with Piper’s dad – the rowboat and the can of corn – and how Piper incorporate this anecdote into her marriage proposal to Alex. It was very sweet. Her mom saying “My child is trapped in a prison riot. One shows up for those types of things. Please tell me you’re not leading it.” was very funny!

Taystee and Ruiz just fucked up everything and now no one is getting anything. Oh, Taystee. I wanted to shake some sense into her when she still didn’t agree to the demands after Caputo spoke to her. The whole Bayley thing could have been taken care of after the fact. Then again, if she did agree and it was found out that Humps is dead, the demands would have been taken off the table anyway. I just feel sorry for Taystee for being noble and believing that she’s doing the right thing, but now the majority of the inmates will be gunning for her.

As for Ruiz, serves her right for screwing over Gloria. Is she that delusional to think that just because the hostages are released that the head of MCC will set her free? She didn’t realize that MCC is no longer in charge of the negotiations and that the governor is now involved. Let’s see what Nita and company can do for her. Probably just throw her ass back in jail where Gloria can get to her.

Bayley going to see Poussey’s father to apologize and probably to atone for what he did was a bad idea. I thought his parents were going to send him to a facility to have him get help? What happened to that? They can’t see just how fucked up this kid is and they’re still not doing anything to help their own son? What kind of parents are they? On a shallow note, how hot was that bartender at the bus terminal? I mean, I’m gay, but I’m not blind, lol. He was hot.

Nicky calling Vinny and telling him that Lorna really is pregnant and that he should consider himself lucky to have someone like Lorna loving him was very sweet (although I didn’t agree with her assessment of how Lorna shows her love by stalking and by being paranoid). Here’s hoping that she helps Lorna with the pregnancy and that this experience will have Nicky finally move on and get over Lorna. It was very sweet when Nicky was trying to console Lorna and said this gem: “Babies don’t know shit. They’re babies.” So true!

Doggett going to the guards’ house and raiding their food and supplies and wearing Coates’ uniform and lying in his bed is all kinds of fucked up. If Coates shows up there in the next episode, I’m going to riot. Fuck this storyline and I hope that Coates never comes back. Boo needs to open her mouth and accuse him of raping Doggett because I don’t want to see this storyline continue on in the next season.

Piscatella is still posturing even after being held hostage. This guy just doesn’t know when to stop and he is made up of nothing but anger and rage and hate. He deserves everything that will be coming for him. No way he ends up going scot-free after this.

I kinda felt sorry for Linda getting lynched like that, but I hope she uses this experience to make the inmates’ lives a bit better. Then again, it might not matter since MCC won’t be in charge of Litchfield anymore after this. Maybe she’ll have an epiphany and be an advocate. We’ll see. I laughed at Flaritza’s commentary about lynching in their respective countries and how a cute girl would get away with committing a crime as long as they’re married to a drug lord. “We grew up on the wrong side of the border, I swear” got me cracking me up.

Also very funny was Frieda doing inventory on her stash with the help of Norma and when Piper grabbed the can of beans to give to Alex, she tells Norma to write it down, lol.

One more episode and I can’t wait to see how this season is wrapped up.

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