“Russians don’t have proverbs. We have vodka and misery.”

TV Show: Orange Is The New Black
Episode Title: Fuck, Marry, Frieda
Original Air Date: June 9, 2017
Episode Number: 5×02

Episode Description

Maria convenes a special assembly in the chapel as the inmates plot their next move. Frieda makes use of the survival skills she learned as a kid.

My Review

Kudos to the casting crew for the ace casting of young Frieda. She really did look like grown up Frieda especially the eyes. I really liked Frieda’s story and how her dad tested her survival skills for…I’m not sure yet for what. Was he a Communist sympathizer? Loved how Frieda devised a way out of the kitchen just so she can hide out in her bunker. That place was packed with all kinds of goodies. Yep, she wins best inmate.

I was very uncomfortable watching the inmates abuse those guards. Not that I’m on the guards’ side, but that was just inhumane and I think Ruiz took this a little too far. Alex and Soso walking out of that meeting showed that their conscience are in the right place. It’s just too bad no one else spoke up and stood up for the guards…except for Gloria. Man, Ruiz is going to lose her shit when she finds out that Daya no longer has the gun. It’s possible things can go from bad to worse.

Poor Soso and her library getting ransacked. Where the fuck did Judy go? She was supposed to keep Poussey’s books safe. Also felt sorry for Taystee’s plan not working out like she hoped. The only thing that came out of it was now Cindy is a meme (#BlackLattesMatter). The girls trying to figure out the whole Internet thing was very funny and I bet it’s true what they said that for every year that passes inside prison, a hundred years passes on the Internet.

Maureen causing Humps to have a stroke…I didn’t see that coming. I thought it was going to be Suzanne who would have a hand in his demise so that was a nice surprise. It would be insane if Suzanne and Maureen still end up together after everything that has happened.

I hope the Indian nurse helps Sophia with her hormone treatments somehow. Sophia might have found her true calling by helping sick people.

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“I chased them away with my sadness”

TV Show: Orange Is The New Black
Episode Title: Riot FOMO
Original Air Date: June 9, 2017
Episode Number: 5×01

Episode Description

As the standoff at the prison spirals into a full-blown riot, enterprising inmates take advantage of the confusion. Taystee confronts Caputo.

My Review

Well, that episode left me breathless. It was just go, go, go all the time and I was on pins and needles the whole time. Great start to this season and I’m scared of what the consequences are going to be for the inmates and for the prison system. Don’t really care what this will do to MCC because they’re the reason all this shit happened in the first place. I want their asses exposed that they’re only in this to make money and have no regard for the inmates and the inmates’ well-being.

I was so worried that Daya was going to commit suicide so I’m glad the show didn’t go there. Who the hell knocked her in the head, though? I have no guesses as to who that is right now. It broke my heart when she called Aleida in the end because she was so lost and all she needed was some kind of familiarity to center herself again and for someone to tell her what to do.

Alex and Piper trying to hide and avoid the drama is smart. Piper only has three months left and Alex can’t afford to be found out by whoever’s out there to kill her. All the inmates who decided to hunker down and find their own hiding spots were smart. I think Boo and Doggett hit the gold mine taking the commissary for themselves.

My heart broke when Taystee made that video with tears in her eyes. Oh, Poussey, you will be so missed. Caputo really should have done right by the ladies and told the truth because what did he get in the end? He got his ass fired anyway.

Sophia and Gloria saving that heinous guard’s life was admirable. They didn’t let the craziness and their feelings for the cruelty of the guard cloud their emotions and instead they were thinking of themselves and saving all of the inmates from an even worse fate if that guard died. Just wish Gloria could get through Daya and convince her to stop this nonsense.

Nicky and Morello holding the keys to the drugs was also a smart move although I would hate to see Nicky relapse seeing all those drugs available for her. Just hope that Morello keeps an eye out for her at all times.

What was Red up to in the warden’s office? What exactly was she looking for? She should have gone with Frieda to the kitchen and locked it up instead of those two idiot guards now locked in there with all the food.

The guard who got shot being wheeled into the recovery bay with Suzanne and the inmate that Suzanne beat up pretty bad probably wish he died. I think he won’t last long in that bed with Suzanne there.

I liked the scene with Soso and Judy King in the library and I think this was my favorite scene of the episode. Judy telling Soso that people are resilient and that they always bounce back are probably the exact words that Soso needed to hear. I hope Soso survives this season because I worry for her mental and emotional well-being after Poussey’s death.

I look forward to the rest of the season. It’s going to be a doozy, I can feel it.

“Talking about the moment ruins the moment”

Episode Title: The Launch
Original Air Date: April 21, 2017
Episode Number: 1×13

Episode Description

In the aftermath of her shocking discovery, Sophia’s attention is divided between the ‘Nasty Gal’ website launch and her relationship with Shane.

My Review

Okay, who the fuck voted for Shane as their favorite character for this episode? Seriously?! Knew he was too good to be true. Didn’t he cheat on his previous girlfriend, too? Should have known. Once a cheater, always a cheater. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. This is why I’m so relieved that Sophia threw his out and broke up with him. I was ready to throw something at my TV when it looked like she was going to forgive him and take it back and then I clapped when she did the smart thing. I wanted to punch Shane in the face when he was like “Can I stay a few more minutes?” Shut the fuck up and don’t ever come back.

The breakup scenes did give Britt some great acting material and she fucking killed it. The scene at the pier with her shaking and sobbing? That was so good. All the different stages of the breakup were also very good. If there’s a second season, I will be beyond thrilled.

I was so nervous when the site didn’t do anything for those first few minutes and then the next time they checked, they’re all sold out. That’s fucking amazing. She has a great team behind her: Annie, Kaavi, Mobias, Nathan, Dax, Bettina, Lionel, Rick. I love her support system and it was great to see everyone there celebrating her and her success.

Loved the last Sopia/Annie scene with them tossing one shot after the other and having a moment. It was very sweet. Also loved that we got to see the elderly woman from the first episode who spanked some sense into Sophia to get it together.

Kudos to Kay Cannon and the rest of the crew and, of course, the cast for making this show. More people need to know about it and they need to watch it.

“Fuck PowerPoint! That is dramatic!”

Episode Title: I Come Crashing
Original Air Date: April 21, 2017
Episode Number: 1×12

Episode Description

Annie convinces Sophia to bring a professional web designer on board to help launch the ‘Nasty Gal’ website. Tensions rise as Sophia begins to spread herself too thin.

My Review

Shane, you are a garbage person. That’s it, that’s all I have to say about that. I hope Sophia dumps his cheating ass right away because that shit ain’t right. I wonder how long he’s been cheating on her. I want Annie to go after him and beat his ass up with Dax right there beside her.

Annie is the best. Her motivational and inspiring speeches to Sophia always move me and I love that she’s always there for her best friend and that she believes in her 100% unlike Sophia’s dad. I had to quote that whole scene because it was amazing, so here you go:

“I can say this because I’m your friend, but you can’t do anything else. This store, this place, this whole idea is you. It’s your dream.”
“Dreams die.”
“Yours won’t. I’m serious. The second that site goes live, you’re a success. Regardless of whether you sell a single item. You’re a woman who started a business from nothing. You pushed through the pins and made an impression on the world that wasn’t there before. If you quit now, you’re just a girl with a bunch of old clothes. That jumpsuit is good. It’ll sell. NastyGalVintage is good. Kaavi’s website is good. You believe me when I say it’s gonna be okay. Right?”

I want Annie to be my motivational speaker and to pick me up when I’m down so she can inspire me to do better and to not give up.

Annie and Sophia making up at the start of the episode was perfect and it was way overdue. Sophia apologized for the right reasons and admitted that she was wrong and that she and Nasty Gal need Annie. So cute how they always came back to “I love you in case I die.” That will always make me smile.

It was nice to see Nathan and his mom back for a brief scene and that Nathan finally realized that art isn’t for him. His mother should have told him this a long time ago, but you know what, sometimes, we have to let the ones we love figure it out for themselves on their own time and when they do, just be there to support them no matter what.

Loved Kaavi and her no-nonsense attitude. I hope she becomes a regular if there is going to be a second season.

“Are you here to yell at me?”

Episode Title: Garbage Person
Original Air Date: April 21, 2017
Episode Number: 1×11

Episode Description

When ‘Nasty Gal’ takes a turn for the worse, a vulnerable Sophia turns to her mother for answers.

My Review

And we have the episode where Sophia has her epiphany to stop being a garbage person and take responsibilities for her actions/decisions. It was very nice to see her spend time with her mom and not actually blaming her mom for everything that went wrong in her life. She just genuinely wanted to know why she left and I bet Sophia can now put that part of her life to rest.

Seeing the two of them stealing that tree and then seeing her mom rail at the play’s director (hi, Pete from 30 Rock!), you definitely get an understanding of where Sophia gets her fire and passion from. “I really am my mother’s daughter.” Indeed. So sweet when she gave her mom the jacket that started it all. Everything came full circle.

Although I agree with Sophia’s mom about what she said about not needing anyone, I hope that Sophia doesn’t take it to heart that much because I want her to make up with Annie already.

“In life, the only one who can make you happy is you. The great big lie is that we need other people. But…no. The truth is we all die alone.”

Sophia going to Gail and telling her thank you and I’m sorry is pretty big of her and I bet it felt good for Sophia too. Can’t wait to see how she’s going to start up her site now.

“You have amazing taste in underwear”

Episode Title: Steel Bars and Stone Walls
Original Air Date: June 9, 2017
Episode Number: 2×01

Episode Description

Wynonna tries to rescue a seemingly mutated Dolls, while there may be more to Waverly than meets the eye.

My Review

Oh my God, I don’t think I’ve had this much fun watching a season premiere as I did while watching this episode. Kudos to Emily Andras and the entire cast who are all game for everything that Emily’s genius mind comes up with. There were SO many great one-liners that i had to pause the episode a few times just so I can laugh and write those bon mots down.

I loved this episode so much and it’s hard to pick a favorite, but I think my favorite has got to be Waverly using “Liz Wallis Windsor” as her Scotland Yard undercover name which of course is Queen Elizabeth’s full name (minus the “Wallis”). This is pure fucking genius and I want to give Ms. Andras a high five for this. And we also got to hear Dominique’s posh British accent (which I think she exaggerated a bit because Nicole teased her about it being horrible, lol). Waverly’s whole undercover outfit gets a plus from me especially those red glasses.

My second favorite is Rachel Skarsten as Eliza. Girl kicked serious ass so I was so disappointed that Lucado’s boss, Moody, shot her dead. I was really enjoying her dynamic with Wynonna and how they both seemed to admire each other’s assets and skills. If I’m not mistaken, Eliza might even have hit on Wynonna when she said “You should see what I can do naked.” Loved their first meeting and the tussle in the hotel room. I could watch that scene all day and not get bored.

Doc going after Dolls himself to spare Wynonna from possibly seeing Dolls devolve to his non-human self was sweet and also when he told her to go and save her “other sister.” Wynonna doesn’t need to be protected, but I appreciated what Doc did here because it was only the night before that Wynonna shot and killed her other sister to save Purgatory. I still want Doc and Wynonna to just stay friends because their dynamic is much more interesting that way.

So the Earp sisters, Doc, and the lab tech are now part of the Black Badge division who are tasked to group and round up the revenants/demons that were unleashed when the hellhole opened up last season. What did they really sign up for and why didn’t anyone read that contract? Eliza did say not to sign anything before she was unceremoniously killed.

Nicole is the only one that Black Badge doesn’t know of who actually knows about them thanks to Waverly protecting her girlfriend. I really hope this doesn’t mean Nicole will be in danger this whole season and that Black Badge will kill her if/when they find out she’s in the know. Ms. Andras would not do that, right? I have faith. Would have loved to have seen Kat Barrell’s name added to the opening credits now that she’s a regular. Really hope she doesn’t end up dead by the end of the season.

As much as I enjoyed all the Wayhaught scenes we got, I’m worried that there will be a rift between the two when it comes out that Waverly is not the same. Hell, Nicole already suspects something is up when she said that Waverly doesn’t taste the same after they kissed and then we got Waverly going all dark eyes and raising an axe behind Nicole to hack that monster into pieces. Whatever is inside Waverly, I hope she’s strong enough to combat its murdering tendencies and that she wouldn’t hurt her own family and friends.

Poor Doc losing his hat! He does look weird and naked without it so I hope he finds himself a similar hat because his oily hair looks better hidden, lol.

How soon until Dolls comes out of hiding and rejoins the group? Wouldn’t it be in Black Badge’s best interest to just let him go and lead the team again in Purgatory? Isn’t the point of the group to contain these revenants/demons?

How does Moody fit into all this? He’s obviously the big bad. I actually did a double take when the actor showed up because I know him as Art Bell from Orphan Black so I was a little confused and started to wonder if I was watching the wrong show for a second, lol. Now I’m itching for a Wynonna Earp/Orphan Black crossover. Can you imagine Felix and Doc meeting?? That would be comedy gold.

Really excited for this show being back and I’m looking forward to the rest of the season. If this episode is any indication of the rest of the season, then season two is going to be a complete blast.

And now, below are just a few of the one-liners that got me laughing and some of the ones which I thought were sweet:

“He’s eating my hat!”

“I took you out with a lamp.”

“You smell like shit…rolled in shit.”

“My Waverly.”

“That is the worst British accent I’ve ever heard.”

“Plan B, aka you, need to become Plan C.”

“I thought you were good in your underwear.”
“You should see what I can do naked.”

“Damn, I do feel naked without it.”