“I will not yield”

Episode Title: Chapter 53
Original Air Date: May 30, 2017
Episode Number: 5×01

Episode Description

As Congress debates investigating Frank, he and Claire attempt to stoke fear of terrorism. Tom Yates continues his stay in the White House.

My Review

I should have read up on the events of the last season because I was 50% lost watching this episode. It came back to me that Francis and Claire orchestrated this whole terrorism thing and blew it way out of proportion by asking Congress to declare war on ICO and they’re doing this to push down the story about that journalist looking into what illegal things they have done to get to the White House.

And we also have the presidential election still on the forefront and Will opposing Francis. Not much happened with this plot, but it was interesting to see the cracks (somewhat) around his marriage and how Hannah can’t seem to act like a model wife’s candidate.

Francis already having the suspect in custody was a surprise. He and Claire were playing the American public all along. Sly.

What’s up with Leann’s buddy? Does he really work for the NSA or did he just stroll into the NSA headquarters with a fake ID? I’m still not sure what his role is in all this. I get that he’s using NSA resources to somehow win this election for the Underwoods, but I’m a bit lost as to who he is.

Yates is back…ugh. I’m going to echo my sentiments from last season. The actor and character just bore me to death. Someone please get him off my show.

This was a decent premiere. Can’t wait to see reporter Tom battle it out against the Underwoods.

“I’d like to open a bank account because of money”

Episode Title: Kimmy Bites an Onion!
Original Air Date: May 19, 2017
Episode Number: 3×13

Episode Description

Kimmy decides to become a crossing guard. Buoyed by the success of “Boobs in California,” Titus tries to win back Mikey with help from Jacqueline.

My Review

This was a great finale. Bummed that Kimmy got dropped from Columbia and that she didn’t get the crossing guard job, but the ending with her working for Zach in the doggy day care place was pretty much close to perfect. Seeing her happy in the end was so great. It really is the best job for her.

Titus and Jacqueline are always a great pairing so I loved that they both realized something big for each of them: Jacqueline that she wants to be a talent agent and Titus that he wants to win Mikey back. I might have teared up just a little when Titus declared his love for Mikey and vowed to win him back. I just want these two crazy kids to end up together.

We got confirmation in this episode that the Seb’s in the last episode was a La La Land reference because we got this exchange in this episode:

“I’m still not over what Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone did to jazz.”
“It’s payback because you stole Hamilton from us.”

Loved the 30 Rock reunion with Jane and Judah.

This was a pretty great season, I thought. I have read comments that there was too much of Titus this season, but I don’t care because he’s my favorite character. Love the growth of all the characters by the finale. I think I liked Jacqueline’s character growth the best. She has come so far from being the vain and self-centered Jacqueline of the first season. Can’t wait for next season!

And now, just a few of my favorite lines:

“Most test answers are Tallahassee.”

“You’re basically a talking traffic cone.”

“You’re not gonna impress anyone dressed like Charles Barkley got tangled up in an old lady’s clothesline.”

“Men always want what they can’t have. Cuban cigars, a watchable Superman movie.”

“My grand re-debut to Mikey was like Simone Biles trying to ride a roller coaster after the park closed. Too little, too late.”

“When is quitting ever the answer?”
“Heroin. Cigarettes. A jigsaw puzzle.”

“Who’s Xan? She has her own show? I hate her. Will you introduce me?”

Episode Title: Kimmy and the Trolley Problem!
Original Air Date: May 19, 2017
Episode Number: 3×12

Episode Description

Russ’s transformation opens doors for Jacqueline. Kimmy wrestles with a philosophical dilemma. Artie invites Lillian on a European cruise.

My Review

Okay, I actually got a bit teary-eyed at Jacqueline declaring that she’s smarter and stronger than before she met Russ and that she’s okay with letting him go because they’re going in different directions. Love this development and I love that now we don’t have to deal with that version of Russ because that ain’t the real Russ for me.

Kimmy and Xan scenes are always great so I laughed when Kimmy declined to tell her story on Xan’s show and Xan getting so frustrated. Then Titus high-jacked the show and Xan had to sit there looking anguished and pissed off, lol. I love the girl playing her because she captures Xan so perfectly.

I’m so glad Artie is not dead, but bummer that he doesn’t have long to live. Noooo! Let him and Lillian be happy forever. Lillian mistaking “trip” for a drug trip was very funny.

I’m going to take the “Seb’s” club name where Roland was playing as a shoutout to La La Land.

So we got confirmation that Jacqueline did have sex with Russ’ grandmother’s ghost when she was making that corn pie, lol.

“Someone else be interesting”

Episode Title: Kimmy Googles the Internet!
Original Air Date: May 19, 2017
Episode Number: 3×11

Episode Description

Kimmy discovers the humiliating power of the internet. Titus wonders if he’s compatible with Reuben. Jacqueline takes care of Mimi after butt surgery.

My Review

Perry and Kimmy’s rap was adorable. Can’t believe it took this long for Kimmy realize that people might know her as one of the Mole Women thanks to the Internet. Bless her heart for saying that all she needs to do is do more things and all the mole women results will be pushed on to page two. Nice of her to mention Xan in her rap so that now it’s the third result when people Google Xan.

Titus’ aversion to the baby being named Linda and not getting past Reuben’s other things…yeah, this relationship was not meant to last. Clearly Titus is still hung up on Mikey. I did laugh at the whole Linda from HR being a thing for the entire episode. The HR Lindas at that one company were very funny.

So they recast Russ? Is it because David Cross was unavailable? Bummer because I really like David and Jane’s dynamic.

“If Russ needs any new organs, I’ll gladly donate Kimmy’s.”

“You think it’s an accident ‘google’ is just ‘go ogle’ without the space?”

“Jacqueline, I really don’t want to talk right now.”
“Perfect, I don’t want you to talk either.”

“A baby named Linda is weird.”

“You gave up halfway through a revolving door.”

“Gum is a lie your mouth tells your stomach”

Episode Title: Kimmy Pulls Off a Heist!
Original Air Date: May 19, 2017
Episode Number: 3×10

Episode Description

Kimmy and Titus get in over their heads when they steal a gas station bathroom key. Jacqueline plots to infiltrate the NFL owners’ meeting.

My Review

Not a fan of this episode especially Titus and Kimmy’s plot because it was stupid. There were a few funny moments, but mostly it just fell flat for me. It was nice that they got Ray Liotta to play Paulie, the gas station attendant.

Jacqueline successfully convincing the entire NFL board to change their team names in order to make more money was genius. The Washington Gun-Takers, ha. Love it whenever the show pokes fun at America and the ridiculous-ness of this country.

It was nice to see Mikey again, but he seems to be happy out there and dating guys. Really hope he and Titus get back together eventually, though.

“I don’t like losing. I’m a white man. We always win. Except at sports. Except at hockey!”

“Our bathroom is stricly for grooming, shame eating, and pep talks before trying to put on jeans.”

“Without a scarf, a kneck is just a skin tube..”

“Women really can be anything except president and late night hosts”

Episode Title: Kimmy Goes to Church!
Original Air Date: May 19, 2017
Episode Number: 3×09

Episode Description

Titus takes Kimmy to church on Good Friday, where they tangle with an elderly busybody. Jacqueline gives Lillian a makeover for Passover.

My Review

Clara setting up his nephew and Titus was a nice surprise! At least she was honest enough to admit that she’s a gossip and is working on getting better. Glad that Kimmy’s testimony in church went over well and that everyone admitted they’re all hypocrites. Hell, we all are, to be honest.

Religion should no longer be a thing because it just causes strife and wars everywhere. Think about it, if we didn’t have religion and didn’t believe in different gods, this world would be a lot more peaceful. Kimmy is right in that we should just all strive to be better people instead of showboating and putting up appearances every Sunday to be pious and holy. Just speaking for myself, of course.

Jacqueline and Lillian making over each other was great. Glad that Lillian helped Jacqueline come to the realization that she should no longer care about what other people think because she’s above it all. Good to see Anna Camp back as Deidre Robespierre. She’s always great.

Loved it when Titus covered his face with a fan when Kimmy stood up for her first testimony at church. He’s like “I don’t know this white girl.”

“What white nonsense is this?”
“What the hell are you wearing? You look like a black guy on Easter”

“What do I have that screams ‘white woman’?”

“Well, unlike Jesus, I’m not just gonna give up.”

“I’m quite finished with you and your hopeless brood”

Episode Title: A Bride. A Box. A Body.
Original Air Date: June 2, 2017
Episode Number: 4×14

Episode Description

Mary pursues justice by launching a counterattack on her conspirators. Meanwhile, Elizabeth suffers a major setback, and it turns her world upside down.

My Review

Oh God, I can’t believe we only have two more episodes left until this show is over for good. This episode definitely packed a lot of plot into 42 minutes.

Did not see Narcisse poisoning Gideon to avenge Lola’s death and it’s not so much that Gideon had a hand in Lola’s death (which he didn’t), it was to punish Elizabeth and let her feel the pain that Narcisse felt when he lost Lola. Damn, he is not fucking around. In the end, I liked how Elizabeth and Gideon resolved their situation, but of course, it was already too late.

Their scene in the chapel was very moving and I loved how the actor playing Gideon showed Gideon’s conflicting emotions when Elizabeth was declaring her love for him and how she values him more than England. I cringed at the latter part because no man should be worth more than one’s country especially if you’re the ruler of said country. In any case, I’m going to miss Gideon and if/when Elizabeth finds out, there will be hell to pay.

I wonder if Catherine was aware that Narcisse was going to poison Gideon before Narcisse set off on his trip. I’m sure Catherine would have said no to this because if Elizabeth finds out, this will put France in peril and will make themselves an enemy of England which I’m sure they can’t afford to be since there is a lot of strife in the French court and they also have Spain to contend with.

Charles announcing in court that he chooses Nicole to be his queen has to be the straw that will break the camel’s back. How much more problems/issues will Catherine take/handle before she takes matters into her own hands? She has to worry about Spain and appease them that this is a mistake and will probably have Nicole killed so that it will force Charles to marry a Spanish noble.

Catherine could divulge that Nicole and Henri are sleeping with each other which would definitely force Charles not to marry Nicole, but at what cost? It will alienate the brothers and could put the crown in peril since this could affect Charles’ mental health and then he’ll regress to being broody and ineffectual as a king.

Luc, bless his soul, was only speaking from the heart and should not be blamed for Charles using his words to decide to marry Nicole. Catherine better not get mad at Luc because this is not his fault. Like the Spanish ambassador said, her “hopeless brood” is a complete mess and I can’t believe that these children are Catherine’s children. Did they all take after their father (aside from Francis)?

I feel so bad for Luc, still spurned by Claude and I’m actually starting to dislike Claude for the continuous
push/pull game she’s playing with him. She tells him it’s nice to see him and that he should stay for the party and invites him for a dance only to tell him that she can’t do it, be Luc’s wife in every sense of the word. Leith is not fucking worth it, Claude! Open your eyes. If Leith really did love her, he would have returned from wherever he is and staked his claim for Claude’s love. But has he? No. He’s probably already out there wooing women and moved on from her.

And we also have Henri being a cross dresser and loving it. Interesting! Is this based on history or was this a plot fabricated for the show? I’m only asking because we haven’t seen any indications of this so when it happened here, I was a bit shock. I do love that he wasn’t embarrassed about it when he was talking to Nicole and that Nicole accepted him and didn’t judge him for it. Happy Pride!

Back in Scotland, Darnley continues to manipulate his way into court and he successfully had Mary pardon him, not because of what he did/did not do, but because Mary was getting tired of all the conspiracies and the deaths and the lies and she doesn’t want anymore bloodshed so she let Darnley be released from the dungeon. Then the last scene we learned that Darnley has lost his damn mind because he truly believes that Keira is still alive and is with him. Alrighty then.

I loved the opening scene with Mary wearing her battle armor and riding on that horse leading her men. More of that, please. Loved that she kicked the “bucket” which led to Ruthven getting hanged. “This is for David Rizzio.” Indeed. More ruthless Mary and less of the emotional/crying Mary. She should listen to bothwell and have Darnley executed for committing treason. A leopard will never change its spots.

Narcisse giving Mary the box of Knox’s penis was gross as hell, but it cracked me up. Why the hell would he do that? This guy is sick.

I hope to see Greer and James back (and even Bash!) on the next two episodes because I’ve missed them.